Breaking Up Is Hard To Do….Or Is It?
January 11, 2015
Oh, of course it is! Unless you are one of those rare couples when both people have realized that they have grown in separate directions, and it is time to split amicably. As we all know though, that is rarely the case. Usually there is sadness, anger, questioning, pleading, rationalizing, and a whole host of other emotions flying around. However, some break-ups are easier than others.
On Friday morning, I awoke to the declaration that my boyfriend of several years was moving out THAT DAY! Needless to say I was completely thrown for a loop, and my day was nothing near what I envisioned it would be. I will spare you all of the details (and I will try to keep the sarcasm and cussing at bay ). Unfortunately, this was not our first trip to the break-up rodeo, and what has been interesting to me is my very different response this time (and it has not been an intentional response).
In the past, I felt so much more anguish and a greater sense of despair upon a declaration that things just weren’t working. I would have compassion for his “issues” and how some of the tragedies he has experienced had a profound impact on his ability to be present in a relationship. I would try to be patient and help him work through his doubts and insecurities. There would generally be a lot of sadness and tears on both sides.
Friday was a completely different story. I was angry, very angry. I finally realized that I deserved far better than the treatment I received on that morning. I was no longer trying to understand or even to listen, I was just done. Clearly a decision had been made with no discussion on my part, and there was really nothing left to be said. Of course I have had moments of sadness since he left, and I know there will be many more of those. However, so far, this break-up does not seem as “hard” to me. I think there are several reasons for that:
- I truly realize that I gave this relationship everything I had. I can look back without regret or “If only I had….” thoughts.
- I finally realize that I deserve better than what I had. I know that there is someone out there for me – someone who will love me for exactly the person I am, someone who will appreciate all that I have to offer, someone who couldn’t imagine his life without me. Even if it takes scads more years, I do truly believe there is someone out there!
- When someone is being self-centered, immature, and downright ridiculous in word and action, it is much easier to walk away.
- I have the most amazing bunch of family and friends. The outpouring of support and concern has been so touching. I honestly don’t know what I would do without all of you amazing people in my life. It has meant more than you could possibly imagine!
- This blog has given me such an outlet in so many ways. I now have something in place that will fill my time that would normally have been spent doing something with him. I have made so many connections and been introduced to so many new things, and I look forward to continuing this blogging journey.
I struggled with whether or not I should write this post. In the end, I knew I was thinking about it so much that I had to do it. I think that so many people can connect with my experiences, and that we should be able to reach out to one another and share our experiences. A friend of mine sent me the pin shown above (originally pinned from kelly rae roberts on Flickr), and I’ve decided to embrace the sentiment (even though initially it turned me into a blubbering fool ).
I will bring it back to one of my favorite things though…..BOOKS!!!!! The book I was in the middle of when all of this went down was The Man I Love – oh the irony of that one. I’m not quite in the right place to be reading novels about falling in love (or even the opposite). I would prefer to read books that have nothing to do with love at the moment. That’s where you all come in!
What books do you recommend to someone in the midst of a major break up? What other activities do you enjoy when you are going through a rough patch? Any funny or humorous stories to share that can make us laugh?