January 11

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do….Or Is It?

January 11, 2015

Oh, of course it is! Unless you are one of those rare couples when both people have realized that they have grown in separate directions, and it is time to split amicably. As we all know though, that is rarely the case. Usually there is sadness, anger, questioning, pleading, rationalizing, and a whole host of other emotions flying around. However, some break-ups are easier than others.

On Friday morning, I awoke to the declaration that my boyfriend of several years was moving out THAT DAY! Needless to say I was completely thrown for a loop, and my day was nothing near what I envisioned it would be. I will spare you all of the details (and I will try to keep the sarcasm and cussing at bay :) ). Unfortunately, this was not our first trip to the break-up rodeo, and what has been interesting to me is my very different response this time (and it has not been an intentional response).

In the past, I felt so much more anguish and a greater sense of despair upon a declaration that things just weren’t working. I would have compassion for his “issues” and how some of the tragedies he has experienced had a profound impact on his ability to be present in a relationship. I would try to be patient and help him work through his doubts and insecurities. There would generally be a lot of sadness and tears on both sides.

Friday was a completely different story. I was angry, very angry. I finally realized that I deserved far better than the treatment I received on that morning. I was no longer trying to understand or even to listen, I was just done. Clearly a decision had been made with no discussion on my part, and there was really nothing left to be said. Of course I have had moments of sadness since he left, and I know there will be many more of those. However, so far, this break-up does not seem as “hard” to me. I think there are several reasons for that:

  • I truly realize that I gave this relationship everything I had. I can look back without regret or “If only I had….” thoughts.
  • I finally realize that I deserve better than what I had. I know that there is someone out there for me – someone who will love me for exactly the person I am, someone who will appreciate all that I have to offer, someone who couldn’t imagine his life without me. Even if it takes scads more years, I do truly believe there is someone out there!
  • When someone is being self-centered, immature, and downright ridiculous in word and action, it is much easier to walk away.
  • I have the most amazing bunch of family and friends. The outpouring of support and concern has been so touching. I honestly don’t know what I would do without all of you amazing people in my life. It has meant more than you could possibly imagine!
  • This blog has given me such an outlet in so many ways. I now have something in place that will fill my time that would normally have been spent doing something with him. I have made so many connections and been introduced to so many new things, and I look forward to continuing this blogging journey.

I struggled with whether or not I should write this post. In the end, I knew I was thinking about it so much that I had to do it. I think that so many people can connect with my experiences, and that we should be able to reach out to one another and share our experiences. A friend of mine sent me the pin shown above (originally pinned from kelly rae roberts on Flickr), and I’ve decided to embrace the sentiment (even though initially it turned me into a blubbering fool :) ).

I will bring it back to one of my favorite things though…..BOOKS!!!!! The book I was in the middle of when all of this went down was The Man I Love – oh the irony of that one. I’m not quite in the right place to be reading novels about falling in love (or even the opposite). I would prefer to read books that have nothing to do with love at the moment. That’s where you all come in!

What books do you recommend to someone in the midst of a major break up? What other activities do you enjoy when you are going through a rough patch? Any funny or humorous stories to share that can make us laugh?

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Posted January 11, 2015 by Lisa @ Reading, Writing, and Random Musings in category "breaking up

15 COMMENTS :

  1. By Martie on

    I had no idea. You do deserve someone better! You are an amazing person and a good friend.
    Love and Hugs!

    Reply
    1. By cubbieblue26@gmail.com (Post author) on

      Thanks, Martie! I had NO idea until Friday morning when the bomb was dropped! You are so sweet, and I’m so glad to call you friend!

      Reply
  2. By claudine on

    I had no idea either.. Sorry to hear. My husband wants a divorce so that’s what I’m going through. It stinks for me any way’s. I’ll be thinking of you.

    Reply
    1. By cubbieblue26@gmail.com (Post author) on

      I’ve seen your struggles, and I’ve been thinking of you! You are strong and you will get through this!

      Reply
  3. By Christie on

    You are very loved! I get a lot of healing through music rather than books, but if I find a good one, I’ll let you know!

    Reply
    1. By cubbieblue26@gmail.com (Post author) on

      Thanks, Christie! The love of friends and family has made this so much easier!!!!! Seriously, I am so touched by the level of support! Keep your eyes peeled for a good book for me! I did get the first Harry Potter audio book to start listening to!

      Reply
  4. By Sharon Takahashi on

    Growing up in Northern California in the crazy ’60’s, we referred to this as not “breaking up” (picture: a twig breaking and shattering) but “moving on” (picture: letting go of a rope holding your boat to the shore). The girlfriends were there to support you, get you to laugh and love again–and as I look forward to my 45th high school reunion, many of those same friends have been there to help and support me throughout all of life’s challenges. We are here for you–always. Love you.

    Reply
    1. By cubbieblue26@gmail.com (Post author) on

      Awwwww…..Sharon……this made me tear up! I think you are the bomb! I’ll be in touch with you soon!!!!

      Reply
      1. By Sheryl on

        Sharon,
        Love your story! I want in as being one of those girls friends!!!! Love you guys!

        Reply
  5. By Leah @ Books Speak Volumes on

    Sorry to hear about your breakup, but I admire your attitude about it! I don’t know of any good breakup books to recommend, but Annie Hall is a great breakup movie. Ooh, maybe Amy Poehler’s book would be good for you right now; it’s funny and inspiring, and she gracefully avoids discussing her divorce from Will Arnett.

    Reply
    1. By cubbieblue26@gmail.com (Post author) on

      Thanks, Leah! Actually Amy Poehler’s book had crossed my mind. Thanks for the suggestions!

      Reply
  6. By Sheryl on

    Lisa,
    So sorry to hear that you are going through this! I am blessed to call you my friend, you are one of the kindest, most caring, strong person I know! Please let me know if you need anything at all!!!!!
    Hugs!
    Sheryl

    Reply
    1. By cubbieblue26@gmail.com (Post author) on

      Awwwwww…..Sheryl! This made me tear up also! Thanks for such kind words!!!!

      Reply
  7. By Quanie Miller on

    Sorry to hear this! This truly sucks but you know what? Another door has opened and that provides the possibility of someone truly awesome and worthy of you walking into your life. I say take all of that anger and hurt and put it into your writing (and put the ex in a work of fiction and have him fall off a cliff). Wishing you nothing but the best.

    Reply
    1. By cubbieblue26@gmail.com (Post author) on

      Quanie…..you always put a smile on my face! Seriously! I think I could write a book about how ridiculous the process was, and maybe I could rewrite a good ending that involves a cliff (or maybe a turquoise blue sink :) )!!!!

      Reply

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